The Girl Dreamer
Sunday, February 08, 2015
Growing Responsibilities
For the past years, I have been hating myself for loving and caring for too much people. I am aware that I cannot get all the love back, but I still continue on making them feel how important they are in my life. Pinanganak na akong ganito eh, give lang ng give hanggang maubos ko lahat..kahit wala nang matira sakin! But don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. Nabibigatan ako sa dumadaming responsibilities, pero hindi ako susuko.
As of this moment, may mga bagong mabibigat na issues sa buhay ko at ng mga mahal ko sa buhay. First is mader and wekie's relationship. After more than a year of silence from the two, I have finally heard the story both from her and from him. Medyo overwhelmed sa trust nila sakin, thankful sa opportunity to help them with their issues, pressured na mabigyan sila both ng tamang mga words of wisdom every single time, maingat na maipakita ko sa kanila na wala akong kinakampihan because I understand both parties' feelings. Mahirap! Oo at first nadisappoint..that is when wala pa akong alam, di ko pa sure ano yung reasons nila at gulong gulo pa ko sa issues ko with my own family. But now that I know better, and that I've heard both sides of the story, it's time to move on. Siyempre nadisappoint ako kasi like from the previous posts here in my blog, my parents do have the same problems. Na iniasa ko lahat dito sa second family ko eh, na dito ko maeexperience ang HAPPY AND COMPLETE family. Yun pala, mauuwi rin sa ganito. But like I said, since I've already went through almost the same problem sa pamilya ko mismo, mas naiintindihan ko na ngayon at mas madali kong natatanggap though masakit pa rin talaga na maski pala sa second family ko, mangyayari pa rin ang pag aaway at paghihiwalay. Umasa ako eh, pero muling nabigo. Pero gaya nga ng sinabi ko kay mader, kung san sila magiging masaya, nandito lang ako lagi para suportahan na lang sila.
Second is raizel's bday blues. Not that big and problematic, it's just that parang super one way yung effort. Maybe she's just not that expressive, pero ofcourse ako, bilang tao lang naman, naghahanap ng konting pag reciprocate at pag appreciate. Ang kaso, sobrang waley! Parang flop lagi yung efforts ko na pasayahin siya at ways ko to make her feel special. BUT SINCE I MADE A PROMISE, Tita Diana, I am not going to let her feel alone. There will be a point wherein I will stop all these sweet thoughtful gestures, but I promise that I will still always be here for her. Gagabayan at aalalayan ko pa rin siya bilang isa sa mga taong nakakakilala sa kanya ng lubos sa kumpanya kung saan kami nagtatrabaho, tulad ng pag pangako ko po sa inyo na hindi ko siya iiwan at susukuan. With the help of her new kids, todo effort pa rin kahit one way lang.
Ngayon naman, mader's health. the last time we saw each other, nung nag family day sa company, ang lala ng ubo nya. Checked up on her for the rest of the week until last saturday, di na siya nakareply. Siyempre, sobrang kaba na naman. Magisa na nga siya, may sakit pa siya. Kanina lang she replied and told me that she was hospitalized. Nung wed pa daw siya na ER and then naconfine until yesterday afternoon. Syempre nag worry ako thinking kung sino kasama nya sa hospital, sino nag alaga sa kanya, pano siya umuwi from the hospital, sino nag hatid sa kanya dun at pabalik. Wala na si wekie sa house nila eh. And now, nasa house na daw siya but feeling bad pa rin kasi namamaga pa both feet and back nya. Told me she's actually scared, but all I can do now is pray for her and make her feel that everything will be alright. Asked her to call me if she needs any help or if she needs kasama to go to the hospital and such. Be the responsible panganay that I can be, since she's declared how she considers me a part of her family na talaga. Sana maging ok na siya, I'll help her in anyway I could. Can actually take a leave just to take care of her and make sure that she's ok. But I know that she wouldnt want me to focus much on her at mapabayaan ang work. So I guess, I'll just balance everything.
Another thing, sa work naman, I have to be mature enough to answer all the questions of my partner who is a fresh grad. I need to make her understand how real life is. I need to be the "Ate" that she needs and make her feel that these work issues are normal. I should not let her leave and make her feel too overwhelmed or pressured. Kailangan ko ipaintindi sa kanya na sa lahat ng kumpanya, mangyayari at mangyayari rin talaga ang mga bagay bagay. Kailangan ko siyang patatagin tulad ng pagturo sakin ni Paulynn kung pano maging matatag at kung pano malalagpasan lahat.
Tulangan niyo ko Lord na magampanan lahat ng responsibilidad ko sa lahat ng mga taong mahal ko. Sana wala akong mapabayaan, at sana lahat sila matulungan at magabayan ko ng maayos. Kayo na pong bahala sakin, kayo na pong bahala sa amin.
>>>seventeen
As of this moment, may mga bagong mabibigat na issues sa buhay ko at ng mga mahal ko sa buhay. First is mader and wekie's relationship. After more than a year of silence from the two, I have finally heard the story both from her and from him. Medyo overwhelmed sa trust nila sakin, thankful sa opportunity to help them with their issues, pressured na mabigyan sila both ng tamang mga words of wisdom every single time, maingat na maipakita ko sa kanila na wala akong kinakampihan because I understand both parties' feelings. Mahirap! Oo at first nadisappoint..that is when wala pa akong alam, di ko pa sure ano yung reasons nila at gulong gulo pa ko sa issues ko with my own family. But now that I know better, and that I've heard both sides of the story, it's time to move on. Siyempre nadisappoint ako kasi like from the previous posts here in my blog, my parents do have the same problems. Na iniasa ko lahat dito sa second family ko eh, na dito ko maeexperience ang HAPPY AND COMPLETE family. Yun pala, mauuwi rin sa ganito. But like I said, since I've already went through almost the same problem sa pamilya ko mismo, mas naiintindihan ko na ngayon at mas madali kong natatanggap though masakit pa rin talaga na maski pala sa second family ko, mangyayari pa rin ang pag aaway at paghihiwalay. Umasa ako eh, pero muling nabigo. Pero gaya nga ng sinabi ko kay mader, kung san sila magiging masaya, nandito lang ako lagi para suportahan na lang sila.
Second is raizel's bday blues. Not that big and problematic, it's just that parang super one way yung effort. Maybe she's just not that expressive, pero ofcourse ako, bilang tao lang naman, naghahanap ng konting pag reciprocate at pag appreciate. Ang kaso, sobrang waley! Parang flop lagi yung efforts ko na pasayahin siya at ways ko to make her feel special. BUT SINCE I MADE A PROMISE, Tita Diana, I am not going to let her feel alone. There will be a point wherein I will stop all these sweet thoughtful gestures, but I promise that I will still always be here for her. Gagabayan at aalalayan ko pa rin siya bilang isa sa mga taong nakakakilala sa kanya ng lubos sa kumpanya kung saan kami nagtatrabaho, tulad ng pag pangako ko po sa inyo na hindi ko siya iiwan at susukuan. With the help of her new kids, todo effort pa rin kahit one way lang.
Ngayon naman, mader's health. the last time we saw each other, nung nag family day sa company, ang lala ng ubo nya. Checked up on her for the rest of the week until last saturday, di na siya nakareply. Siyempre, sobrang kaba na naman. Magisa na nga siya, may sakit pa siya. Kanina lang she replied and told me that she was hospitalized. Nung wed pa daw siya na ER and then naconfine until yesterday afternoon. Syempre nag worry ako thinking kung sino kasama nya sa hospital, sino nag alaga sa kanya, pano siya umuwi from the hospital, sino nag hatid sa kanya dun at pabalik. Wala na si wekie sa house nila eh. And now, nasa house na daw siya but feeling bad pa rin kasi namamaga pa both feet and back nya. Told me she's actually scared, but all I can do now is pray for her and make her feel that everything will be alright. Asked her to call me if she needs any help or if she needs kasama to go to the hospital and such. Be the responsible panganay that I can be, since she's declared how she considers me a part of her family na talaga. Sana maging ok na siya, I'll help her in anyway I could. Can actually take a leave just to take care of her and make sure that she's ok. But I know that she wouldnt want me to focus much on her at mapabayaan ang work. So I guess, I'll just balance everything.
Another thing, sa work naman, I have to be mature enough to answer all the questions of my partner who is a fresh grad. I need to make her understand how real life is. I need to be the "Ate" that she needs and make her feel that these work issues are normal. I should not let her leave and make her feel too overwhelmed or pressured. Kailangan ko ipaintindi sa kanya na sa lahat ng kumpanya, mangyayari at mangyayari rin talaga ang mga bagay bagay. Kailangan ko siyang patatagin tulad ng pagturo sakin ni Paulynn kung pano maging matatag at kung pano malalagpasan lahat.
Tulangan niyo ko Lord na magampanan lahat ng responsibilidad ko sa lahat ng mga taong mahal ko. Sana wala akong mapabayaan, at sana lahat sila matulungan at magabayan ko ng maayos. Kayo na pong bahala sakin, kayo na pong bahala sa amin.
>>>seventeen
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home