The Girl Dreamer
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Ayaw talga ni God na magkahiwalay kaming magkapatid!!!
March 15-17, 2006 bday days ko - sweet 16
masaya ako kahit papano kasi grabe ang mga pagkakataon..kahit na sobrang nakakapagod yung araw, nakagawa parin si God ng paraan para pasayahin ako and maging mas motivated para sa NOLI namin..you know what, we had our debate, class concert and noli practice..3 tiring things happend last wednesday, March 15, 2006, but i got to escape from the tireness because of the surprise of my God for me..
it was like this, it was dismissal..from the music room, we went to the audi to arrange everything for our noli practice..then when we got there, the juniors were still there so we just stayed for a while in the sounds and lights booth..after realizing that it will still take some time, i decided to go up and see mader..i told jenn and dane that ill just go up to do something so i left my bags there and went up..when i went up, i immediately saw mader so i called her..she asked me about my day, why was i in civilian and other more things..and then while we were talking mader stopped and i got confused so i looked on the direction where she was looking and i saw my "ate" nanz..i was so schocked that i hugged mader so tight and i didnt want her to go and leave me with ate nanz..at first, "ate" said hi to me so i also said hi..then she told me, "o, magtatago ka nanaman..kaw talga oh.." and then a parent arrived and asked "ate" to call someone..so mader told me why i was like that and i hugged her even tighter..she said, "ano ka ba, go to ms nancy, talk to her, this is your chance to bond with her" and i told her, "no, shes busy and she doesnt have time for me" and then she said, "ayan na nga cya oh.." and i said, "wala kaya, hindi nako babalikan nun" and then she said, "no, she just called someone for the parent outside", i said, "she told me nga kanina na nagmamadali siya so how can she stay with me" and then "ate" arrived and talked to the parent..while "ate" is talking with the parent, mader told me, "go na, this is your time to be happy, talk to her, she saw you na oh.." and then when she was trying to go, i pulled her hands and squeezed it so hard because i didnt want her to go and leave me nga with "ate". so "ate" finished talking with the parent, she was about to leave but maybe she realized that i was there waiting for her so she went back and talked to me..she was trying to make me face her but i kept on hugging the wall and pulling mader..and then after a while, mader told me that she's really leaving na but i still didnt allow her to go..then "ate" told me na why i was crying daw coz ms rhia told her daw na i was crying the other day..i told her that it was a secret even though i know that she knows it already..and then she asked me who i was talking about in my blog in multiply, then in my mind, "i guess alam na cya na cya yun, cguro narealize na rin nya sa wakas" but i stillsaid that it was a secret..while those things were happening, i was just hugging the wall because of my shyness and i was about to cry na that time kasi i remembered all those things na i cried and all..and then she asked me when's my bday daw and i didnt answer her..she told me na she texted me daw last monday to greet me, tama daw ba yung pagkakaalala nya and i told her that my birthday is on the seventeenth..sabi nya, "ah, sa friday pa pala, but promise, i texted you last monday and greeated you happy bday, nakalagay pa nga sa phone ko na sent na eh" and i told her na i didnt receive it..she told me, "d nga?!?" sabi ka, "ya..i wasnt able to receive it talga" sabi nya, "bakit kaya?" and i told her, "ewan ko po" and then mader greeted me advanced happy bday and she told me that she's going na daw and i have to be with "ate" raw right that moment and i asked her why and she told me na kasi she's there na and she doesnt want me to miss the opportunity daw..sabi ko ill try if i could talk to her alot today..and i hugged ms madz so tight before she left..so i was with "ate" that time..she asked me again why i was crying nga daw the other day..gusto nya daw malaman kung bakit..and then i told her na no na..and then she went to me and hugged me..sabi nya wag na daw ako umiyak..hindi pa daw ba ako uuwi and i told her na i hav practice..then she told me na sorry daw kasi sobrang busy cya until nasingitan ako ng mga ibang teachers na dun na cya nakipagusap so i decided to go na coz wala na kong kausap sa taas, and then i just texted her and i told her na i went ahead na coz she was talking to some teachers and i told her na sorry na hindi nako nakapagpaalam..and then she replied na sorry daw na busy cya lagi and ok lang daw na hindi ako nakapagpaalam..she also told me to smila daw lagi..and i didnt reply na..and then while i was practicing and doing something outside the audi, i saw her going down sa stairs..so i ran and went up to her immediately and then umakbay ako..nagulat cya and told me na, "ayan ka nanaman, nakayuko ka nanaman" and then i looked at her and she told ma na uuwi na raw cya and sabi ko sa kanya, "oo nga po" and then while we were walking, she asked me again about my crying thing..sabi ko wala lang and she told me, "sabunutan kaya kita" and then pinull nya yung hair ko..haha..sabi ko, "ms rhia told you nanaman eh..dont ask me na" and then she told me na she wants to here it daw from me and i told her na ayoko..then habang pababa na kami ng stairs, binibigyan ako ni "ate" ng ponkan..haha..pero nakakahiya kaya hindi ko na tinanggap..wehe..then we went down and went to gate3..sabi ko where is she going and sabi nya na uuwi na nga daw cya..and then sa gate3, there were alot of people saying hi to her including martin oben..then martin told her na hindi raw cya makakapayag na hindi nya makilala yung baby ni "ate"..and then "ate" told martin na "ito ba, si TIN?!? cya ang baby ko.." and then martin told her na hindi ako..sabi ni "ate", "kala ko si TIN eh, eto baby ko eh..haha" and then yun, nagpunta na kami sa labas ng gate3..sabi ko sinong susundo sa knya and i was like hiding at her back from left to right..hinahabol nya ko ng head nya..and tawa cya ng tawa..bat daw ba ko nagtatago and we were like playing na there outside gate3..and then nagline up na cya kasi padating na yung la salle bus..and then i hugged her and told her na ill go up na to practice..and she hugged me also and she told me na, "o cge, dont cry na ha, smile ko lagi, wag ka na malungkot, ingat ka ha" sabi ko naman, ok po, bye..tapos yun..umakyat nako for the practice..saya ko sobra..
and then sa practice, we stayed up to 7:15 PM and we were all tired but we all had fun sa last practice na yun..we had a blast together..as in nag super bonding kami dunsa paractice na yun..we had ms rogador until 6:30 PM lang..and then nung up to 7:30 PM nasa labas nalang kami and bonded together..nag ice water kami, taguan and all sa parking sa may gate2, tapos nag piko pa kami sa may gate1..and then bonding dun sa tent sa may harap ng building..jamming with the guitars and all..tapos yun, sobrang saya, as in..hindi ko malilimutan ang araw na toh..na kahit hindi ko nakasama si "ate" nung bday ko kahapon ay masya ako na nakapagusap kami at nagkaayos before ang bday ko..and yun..sobrang saya ko din na SECOND PLACE kami sa Nolo fest..3rd best in poster, 2nd best in script and best actress si SISA namin na si PRE..im so proud of her..and yun, nanood nga pala si mader and im so happy na pagkatapos nung play namin ay nagkausap kami and nakasama ko cya for a while nung bday ko..naappreciate ko lahat ng mga tao na nag greet sakin nung bday ko and cyempre sa surprise sakin ni natie and ria na nakasama ko ng bday ko..=) thanks alot guys..i love you all..=)
PRAYER:
thank you God for everything na gnawa nyo para sakin at para sa bday ko, sobrang mahal na mahal ko po kayo..ill stay faithful to you forever..hindi ko po makakalimutan ang sweet 16 ko..dahil marami pong mga pagbabago na nangyari..thanks po sa lahat ng mga taong ibinigay nyo sakin lalo na yung mga nakaalala sakin ng bday ko..thanks alot God and i love you so much..always be with me and listen to my prayers as i listen to your words.AMEN..=)
>>>seventeen
masaya ako kahit papano kasi grabe ang mga pagkakataon..kahit na sobrang nakakapagod yung araw, nakagawa parin si God ng paraan para pasayahin ako and maging mas motivated para sa NOLI namin..you know what, we had our debate, class concert and noli practice..3 tiring things happend last wednesday, March 15, 2006, but i got to escape from the tireness because of the surprise of my God for me..
it was like this, it was dismissal..from the music room, we went to the audi to arrange everything for our noli practice..then when we got there, the juniors were still there so we just stayed for a while in the sounds and lights booth..after realizing that it will still take some time, i decided to go up and see mader..i told jenn and dane that ill just go up to do something so i left my bags there and went up..when i went up, i immediately saw mader so i called her..she asked me about my day, why was i in civilian and other more things..and then while we were talking mader stopped and i got confused so i looked on the direction where she was looking and i saw my "ate" nanz..i was so schocked that i hugged mader so tight and i didnt want her to go and leave me with ate nanz..at first, "ate" said hi to me so i also said hi..then she told me, "o, magtatago ka nanaman..kaw talga oh.." and then a parent arrived and asked "ate" to call someone..so mader told me why i was like that and i hugged her even tighter..she said, "ano ka ba, go to ms nancy, talk to her, this is your chance to bond with her" and i told her, "no, shes busy and she doesnt have time for me" and then she said, "ayan na nga cya oh.." and i said, "wala kaya, hindi nako babalikan nun" and then she said, "no, she just called someone for the parent outside", i said, "she told me nga kanina na nagmamadali siya so how can she stay with me" and then "ate" arrived and talked to the parent..while "ate" is talking with the parent, mader told me, "go na, this is your time to be happy, talk to her, she saw you na oh.." and then when she was trying to go, i pulled her hands and squeezed it so hard because i didnt want her to go and leave me nga with "ate". so "ate" finished talking with the parent, she was about to leave but maybe she realized that i was there waiting for her so she went back and talked to me..she was trying to make me face her but i kept on hugging the wall and pulling mader..and then after a while, mader told me that she's really leaving na but i still didnt allow her to go..then "ate" told me na why i was crying daw coz ms rhia told her daw na i was crying the other day..i told her that it was a secret even though i know that she knows it already..and then she asked me who i was talking about in my blog in multiply, then in my mind, "i guess alam na cya na cya yun, cguro narealize na rin nya sa wakas" but i stillsaid that it was a secret..while those things were happening, i was just hugging the wall because of my shyness and i was about to cry na that time kasi i remembered all those things na i cried and all..and then she asked me when's my bday daw and i didnt answer her..she told me na she texted me daw last monday to greet me, tama daw ba yung pagkakaalala nya and i told her that my birthday is on the seventeenth..sabi nya, "ah, sa friday pa pala, but promise, i texted you last monday and greeated you happy bday, nakalagay pa nga sa phone ko na sent na eh" and i told her na i didnt receive it..she told me, "d nga?!?" sabi ka, "ya..i wasnt able to receive it talga" sabi nya, "bakit kaya?" and i told her, "ewan ko po" and then mader greeted me advanced happy bday and she told me that she's going na daw and i have to be with "ate" raw right that moment and i asked her why and she told me na kasi she's there na and she doesnt want me to miss the opportunity daw..sabi ko ill try if i could talk to her alot today..and i hugged ms madz so tight before she left..so i was with "ate" that time..she asked me again why i was crying nga daw the other day..gusto nya daw malaman kung bakit..and then i told her na no na..and then she went to me and hugged me..sabi nya wag na daw ako umiyak..hindi pa daw ba ako uuwi and i told her na i hav practice..then she told me na sorry daw kasi sobrang busy cya until nasingitan ako ng mga ibang teachers na dun na cya nakipagusap so i decided to go na coz wala na kong kausap sa taas, and then i just texted her and i told her na i went ahead na coz she was talking to some teachers and i told her na sorry na hindi nako nakapagpaalam..and then she replied na sorry daw na busy cya lagi and ok lang daw na hindi ako nakapagpaalam..she also told me to smila daw lagi..and i didnt reply na..and then while i was practicing and doing something outside the audi, i saw her going down sa stairs..so i ran and went up to her immediately and then umakbay ako..nagulat cya and told me na, "ayan ka nanaman, nakayuko ka nanaman" and then i looked at her and she told ma na uuwi na raw cya and sabi ko sa kanya, "oo nga po" and then while we were walking, she asked me again about my crying thing..sabi ko wala lang and she told me, "sabunutan kaya kita" and then pinull nya yung hair ko..haha..sabi ko, "ms rhia told you nanaman eh..dont ask me na" and then she told me na she wants to here it daw from me and i told her na ayoko..then habang pababa na kami ng stairs, binibigyan ako ni "ate" ng ponkan..haha..pero nakakahiya kaya hindi ko na tinanggap..wehe..then we went down and went to gate3..sabi ko where is she going and sabi nya na uuwi na nga daw cya..and then sa gate3, there were alot of people saying hi to her including martin oben..then martin told her na hindi raw cya makakapayag na hindi nya makilala yung baby ni "ate"..and then "ate" told martin na "ito ba, si TIN?!? cya ang baby ko.." and then martin told her na hindi ako..sabi ni "ate", "kala ko si TIN eh, eto baby ko eh..haha" and then yun, nagpunta na kami sa labas ng gate3..sabi ko sinong susundo sa knya and i was like hiding at her back from left to right..hinahabol nya ko ng head nya..and tawa cya ng tawa..bat daw ba ko nagtatago and we were like playing na there outside gate3..and then nagline up na cya kasi padating na yung la salle bus..and then i hugged her and told her na ill go up na to practice..and she hugged me also and she told me na, "o cge, dont cry na ha, smile ko lagi, wag ka na malungkot, ingat ka ha" sabi ko naman, ok po, bye..tapos yun..umakyat nako for the practice..saya ko sobra..
and then sa practice, we stayed up to 7:15 PM and we were all tired but we all had fun sa last practice na yun..we had a blast together..as in nag super bonding kami dunsa paractice na yun..we had ms rogador until 6:30 PM lang..and then nung up to 7:30 PM nasa labas nalang kami and bonded together..nag ice water kami, taguan and all sa parking sa may gate2, tapos nag piko pa kami sa may gate1..and then bonding dun sa tent sa may harap ng building..jamming with the guitars and all..tapos yun, sobrang saya, as in..hindi ko malilimutan ang araw na toh..na kahit hindi ko nakasama si "ate" nung bday ko kahapon ay masya ako na nakapagusap kami at nagkaayos before ang bday ko..and yun..sobrang saya ko din na SECOND PLACE kami sa Nolo fest..3rd best in poster, 2nd best in script and best actress si SISA namin na si PRE..im so proud of her..and yun, nanood nga pala si mader and im so happy na pagkatapos nung play namin ay nagkausap kami and nakasama ko cya for a while nung bday ko..naappreciate ko lahat ng mga tao na nag greet sakin nung bday ko and cyempre sa surprise sakin ni natie and ria na nakasama ko ng bday ko..=) thanks alot guys..i love you all..=)
PRAYER:
thank you God for everything na gnawa nyo para sakin at para sa bday ko, sobrang mahal na mahal ko po kayo..ill stay faithful to you forever..hindi ko po makakalimutan ang sweet 16 ko..dahil marami pong mga pagbabago na nangyari..thanks po sa lahat ng mga taong ibinigay nyo sakin lalo na yung mga nakaalala sakin ng bday ko..thanks alot God and i love you so much..always be with me and listen to my prayers as i listen to your words.AMEN..=)
>>>seventeen
Monday, March 06, 2006
ayoko na ba talga?!?
sa pagkakataong toh aaminin ko na ang totoong nararamdaman ko..cguro sobrang naaapektuhan nako kaya ako ganito..oo, mahal ko si "ate" na sa sobrang pagmamahal ko sa kanya, nagmumukha na pala akong tanga, bobo at walang kwenta..come to think of it..habol ako ng habol sa taong wala namang time for me..hanap ako ng hanap sa taong ayaw na yatang magpakita sakin..puro ako sakripisyo para sa kanya na alam ko naman for a fact na walang kinahihinatnan coz she'll never realize it kasi di naman nya alam yung sacrifices na yun..hirap na hirap ako lagi bumili ng gift for her pero this time, di ko na makita yung appreciation nya..text ako ng text wala naman akong makuhang reply at kung meron man, sobrang wala lang compared sa sinabi ko..so alam nyo yun..i keep on doing things for her, keep on hurting and being tired coz of her, being in trouble coz of her tapos walang appreciation kahit doon sa mga bagay na out in the open na..i cant even imagine na ganito ako for almost 4 years now..pwede na pala akong mapasama sa book of martyrs..isa akong dakilang martyr na kahit alam kong mukha na akong tanga eh ipinagpapatuloy ko parin dahil nga mahal ko yung tao..dba pag mahal mo yung tao gagawin mo lahat para sa kanya..kahit pa magmukha kang tanga, gaga, sira o baliw..kasi nga sacrifice mo yun to prove na mahal mo cya eh..pero malas ko kung ang sitwasyon mo ay tulad ng akin..na you're trying to prove your love for that person for several years now pero hindi naman nakikisama yung taong yun kaya hindi nya rin makita at marealize yung pagpuprove mo..ewan ko nga kung hindi nya lang talga makita at marealize o sadyang ayaw lang nyang tignan, i-observe at i-realize kasi baka naman wala lang talga cyang pakialam sa akin..masakit pero ngaun parang totoo na cya eh..isa pa, sobrang sakit na ginagawa mo lahat para sa taong yun tapos biglang marerealize mo na sa kanya, walang kaeffort-effort na lumalabas..na kahit anong gawin mo wala lang pala talga sa knya yun and normal things lang yun for that person..dba ang sakit..pero dahil mahal mo, once again, ok lang kahit gaano pa yan kasakit..pero ganun pala yun noh..na kahit gaano mo tiisin, kahit gaano ka magtiyaga, kahit gaano ka magpakahirap, darating at darating din ang panahon na mapapagod ka at iisipin mo nlang na sumuko..haaay, as of now, i haven't decidede yet although im planning to have that kind of decision again..ewan ko kung pipigilan nanaman ako ni God this time pero bahala na..c God naman masusunod so wala akong magagwa kung ayaw pa nya talgang iwan ko c "ate"..ginagawa ko toh kasi alam ko ngaun na ito ang makakabuti, para sa aming dalawa..kasi nahihirapan ako to reach out at cya naman, nahihirapang makibagay sakin kasi nga busy na cya with everything about her family and cyempre sa skul at sa work narin..nahihirapan narin naman kasi ako to stay with this kind of relationship kasi nakakaapekto sa emotions ko lalo na pag magisa ako..pati studies ko naaapektuhan..ayoko na masira ang buhay ko dahil lang sa pagka martyr ko..kailangan kong pagbigyan ang sarili ko na sumaya naman kahit paminsan-minsan..kung cya naman talga ay nakatalagang maging kaibigan ko, magkocross path ulit kami sa buhay na ito..kung hindi naman, edi tanggapin nalang na hindi talga cya ang destiny ko na maging "ate" sa buhay na ito..
yun lang, sana maayos ko na ito soon..hirap na hirap na ako, sana makapagdesisyon na ako agad..at sana tulungan ako ni God sa problema kong ito..
PRAYER:
God please..sobrang kailangan ko talga kau ngaun..hirap na hirap na ako at pagod na pagod..sana ay gabayan nyo ako na makagawa ng tamang desisyon tungkol dito..sana gabayan mo ko na maging ok ang lahat sa amin kahit ano pa ang maging desisyon ko..na we end up happily kahit anong bagay ang mangyari..good closure kung magtatapos na kami at another start kung maayos ito..im going top stay faithful to you God basta stay right by my my side..wag nyo po akong pababayaan kahit anong mangyari..mahal na mahal ko po kau God at alam kong hindi nyo ako ilalagay sa alanganin na sitwasyon..nagtitiwala po ako sa inyo..hanggang dito nalang po..
>>>seventeen
yun lang, sana maayos ko na ito soon..hirap na hirap na ako, sana makapagdesisyon na ako agad..at sana tulungan ako ni God sa problema kong ito..
PRAYER:
God please..sobrang kailangan ko talga kau ngaun..hirap na hirap na ako at pagod na pagod..sana ay gabayan nyo ako na makagawa ng tamang desisyon tungkol dito..sana gabayan mo ko na maging ok ang lahat sa amin kahit ano pa ang maging desisyon ko..na we end up happily kahit anong bagay ang mangyari..good closure kung magtatapos na kami at another start kung maayos ito..im going top stay faithful to you God basta stay right by my my side..wag nyo po akong pababayaan kahit anong mangyari..mahal na mahal ko po kau God at alam kong hindi nyo ako ilalagay sa alanganin na sitwasyon..nagtitiwala po ako sa inyo..hanggang dito nalang po..
>>>seventeen
