The Girl Dreamer
Friday, April 29, 2005
The Promise
Just wanna share this poem with you guys, i got it from teentalk in creative corner..i liked it coz i can somehow relate with the message of this poem..hope you'll like it guys.. yung iba naman sa inyo alam ang story ng love life ko kaya alam niyo na siguro kung bakit ko napili tong poem na toh.. ganito kasi feeling ko sa past na nangyari sakin eh..=) wehe..sana talaga magustuhan niyo..
THE PROMISE
Yesterday was our story,
Will tomorrow be just a fantasy?
We've shared the sweetest smiles
And enjoy every moment of togetherness
Wandering around as if everything was just a dream
But when I feel the warmth of your hand entwined with mine,
It was all real...
My perfect moments are the ones spent with you
When happiness is beyond reality or truth
With a promise we locked our hearts
That wherever I go, you'll come find me
And forever we'll be meant to be.
But where will this promise leads me
When fate had its turn on our destiny
Like a lightning strikes that took you away from me
Here I am, left alone in misery
Counting every drop of tears shed
'Cause now all I had were memories
...of yesterdays fairytale of unending felicity
...of warmth embraces of sealed love
...of moments treasured above all.
Where will I go from where I am now
When dark clouds of longing blocks my sight
Where can I get my strength to go on
When I look beside me…there was no "YOU"
And the hand that once hold mine was gone.
Everyday I walk alone aimlessly
With every step of no destination
Hoping to find you once again
To keep the promise kept in my heart
I'll keep waiting for you, my beloved, my one true love
Coz I know... your love will lead your way back to me
To pick up the pieces of an almost broken destiny
Of "YOU and ME" finding each other,
Loving endlessly...
Angel_eyes
08-14-03
>>>seventeen
THE PROMISE
Yesterday was our story,
Will tomorrow be just a fantasy?
We've shared the sweetest smiles
And enjoy every moment of togetherness
Wandering around as if everything was just a dream
But when I feel the warmth of your hand entwined with mine,
It was all real...
My perfect moments are the ones spent with you
When happiness is beyond reality or truth
With a promise we locked our hearts
That wherever I go, you'll come find me
And forever we'll be meant to be.
But where will this promise leads me
When fate had its turn on our destiny
Like a lightning strikes that took you away from me
Here I am, left alone in misery
Counting every drop of tears shed
'Cause now all I had were memories
...of yesterdays fairytale of unending felicity
...of warmth embraces of sealed love
...of moments treasured above all.
Where will I go from where I am now
When dark clouds of longing blocks my sight
Where can I get my strength to go on
When I look beside me…there was no "YOU"
And the hand that once hold mine was gone.
Everyday I walk alone aimlessly
With every step of no destination
Hoping to find you once again
To keep the promise kept in my heart
I'll keep waiting for you, my beloved, my one true love
Coz I know... your love will lead your way back to me
To pick up the pieces of an almost broken destiny
Of "YOU and ME" finding each other,
Loving endlessly...
Angel_eyes
08-14-03
>>>seventeen
Thursday, April 28, 2005
confusing and frustrating...
Confusing and frustrating... I guess these are the two words that can describe my life right now... Its all because of such problems that really make me worry... Im so damn tired and frustrated coz of all the heartaches and so many more hurts that I get... I guess, this is really what Im supposed to be, a confused, tired and frustrated girl all through out my life...But still, Im not giving up and Im willing to fight... Im going to face every challenge that will come my way to show God that Im strong, and I also believe that God is always with me and will not leave my side... With Him, I will be safe and I will be stronger than before... I can have presence of mind and I can be a tough girl coz I know that He is just there, somewhere around me, guiding me always, for me not to go astray... I will follow His commands and ignore the evil spirit that is tempting me... I know that I can do this, I just really have to give more time to God so that I can strengthen my faith and relationship with Him... I know that I can survive, just knowing that He is there, I know I can really pass through all these trials... Despite of all the problems that come my way, I am still thankful for my life coz I know that with this, I can still fix everything... Despite of all the tons and tons of hardship and sacrifices, I know that in the future, all of these things will just become a memory and I know that soon, I will succeed... I still have hope coz I know that I still have time to recover from all of these hurts that I got in my life right now... I can still improve and be a better person, be a stronger girl, and be a more faithful servant of the Lord... I can still change for the better and I know that soon, I will get to know myself better for me to be a fulfilled Christian... I know that despite of all the hurts that my family gave me, I believe that they will also be the one to help me in my life... They are the only one I can rely on in the darkest time of my life... Even though they hurt me most of the time, I still love them and I also believe that they also love me... I know that Its such a stupid thing to find the love of a family in other people, but that became my decision because I didnt feel their love for me that early, until now, Im still not fully convinced that they really love me that deep, thats why Im using other people in my life for me to feel the love that I want and I need I my life for me to grow... Of course, my family doesnt know about these things, but I believe that they dont have to know about these anymore, I know that they can improve as time goes by... I know that soon, they will realize these things... I still trust them even though they dont know how much they have hurt me... I can see that somehow, they care for me and as of now, its enough that they care... I treasure them despite of all the problems that they have given me coz still, they are my family and I cant do anything about that... With them hurting but at the same time, caring for me, there are still other better persons that I met that really helped me grow in love... They really loved me, cared for me, sacrificed for me and really treasured me even though we are not one family... Im really thankful that Ive met them coz they are the one who really helped me in this confusing and frustrating life... They are my friends and my so called family in school, Im not going to mention who they are anymore, but Im really thankful that God gave them to me and that they loved me for who I am... They accepted me and made me a part of their lives, ill never forget them forever... They are really of big help for me to still go on with my life despite of all the problems and hurts...
Thank you guys, for giving me strength and helping me survive my confusing and frustrating life... I salute you guys... I love you more than ever... You know who you are, friends, soul mates and my family in school especially my "ate"... you will always stay in me forever...
>>>seventeen
Thank you guys, for giving me strength and helping me survive my confusing and frustrating life... I salute you guys... I love you more than ever... You know who you are, friends, soul mates and my family in school especially my "ate"... you will always stay in me forever...
>>>seventeen
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
another start..
Ngayon, cyempre simula na naman ng pag iwas ko, not really pag iwas pero pag move on..para d na ako umasa sa wala..cguro ill treat her nalang as a close friend of mine..hindi na yung parang sobrang close ang tingin ko sa kanya kc hindi ko naman cya talaga kaano ano eh at lalo nang hindi cya akin..hindi ko naman cya inaangkin pero ewan ko ba, basta..kc naman eh, dati dba cnabi ko na I cant live without her na, its true parin naman until now eh pero I should set some limitations na kc kung hindi, gugulo nanaman ang situation..I mean, I should control myself and be careful on the things im gonna say and do.. kailangan din yung hindi nya masyadong mahahalata na may limitations nako kc ilang beses ko din cnabi sa kanya na mahihirapan akong mag move on pag wala cya at hindi ko kayang lumayo sa kanya..baka kc pag nahalata nya, baka iquestion nya ko tungkol dun sa mga cnabi ko sa kanya noon, pero still, hindi mawawala yung love ko sa kanya, hindi ko rin makakalimutan yung mga pinagsamahan namin, at cyempre, wala akong pinagsisisihan sa mga yun..pero natatakot parin ako sa kung anong pedeng mangyari..oo nga, itutuloy ko na yung plano pero natatakot ako na baka isang araw, magbago nanaman tong decision ko at maawa nanaman ako sa kanya..haaaay, bat ba kc ang bilis kong maawa lalo na sa kanya at cyempre baka mamiss ko nanaman cya..alam nyo naman ako..masyadong emotional..sana hindi na magbago decision ko kc hirap na hirap na talaga ako sa papalit palit na plano, ayoko na..gusto ko ito na muna habang buhay, siguro mababalik nalang yung dati pag naka graduate nako sa zobel kc mamimiss ko na cya pero I guess I wouldnt meet her after I graduate unless she will stay in zobel in those years..i hope so, pero kung hindi, baka hindi ko na nga cya makita forever kc ndi ko naman malalaman kung saan cya titira, kahit nga ngaun, hindi ko alam yung specific place kung san cya nakatira..haaay, enough of the things about mader..pagod nako eh, sa susunod nalang ulit..
Iba naman, tungkol naman sa skul, bwiset talaga..magkaklase cna sab, karen, teri at steph, classmate din nila yung mga ibang tao na gusto ko maging classmate..bwiset, magsama sama nga kayo dyan sa soph-A..haha..kaklase nyo naman c horacio eh, yun lang masama dun..haha oh well..ako naman soph-F..kaklase ko c jennie, dana, china,anna, kevin, rey, arianne, precious, at ung mga galing honor sec, cna pielle, kalals, isko, angge, at miggy lang ata..yun, medyo ok naman yung class..type ko naman yung mga tao..sana nga lang, madali clang pakisamahan..sana talaga maging mas masaya pa ang sophomore year ko at sana mas mapataas ko pa grades ko o kahit ma-maintain ko lang ok na..sana rin marami maging opportunities for me this year at more achievements din..im looking forward to a very wonderful and fun year at sana marami akong maging new friends..sana maging para kaming isang pamilya..sana magkasundo sundo kaming lahat..sana talaga masaya, gusto ko na tuloy mag pasukan..haaaay..=) thats all for now..bye bye..=)
>>>seventeen
Iba naman, tungkol naman sa skul, bwiset talaga..magkaklase cna sab, karen, teri at steph, classmate din nila yung mga ibang tao na gusto ko maging classmate..bwiset, magsama sama nga kayo dyan sa soph-A..haha..kaklase nyo naman c horacio eh, yun lang masama dun..haha oh well..ako naman soph-F..kaklase ko c jennie, dana, china,anna, kevin, rey, arianne, precious, at ung mga galing honor sec, cna pielle, kalals, isko, angge, at miggy lang ata..yun, medyo ok naman yung class..type ko naman yung mga tao..sana nga lang, madali clang pakisamahan..sana talaga maging mas masaya pa ang sophomore year ko at sana mas mapataas ko pa grades ko o kahit ma-maintain ko lang ok na..sana rin marami maging opportunities for me this year at more achievements din..im looking forward to a very wonderful and fun year at sana marami akong maging new friends..sana maging para kaming isang pamilya..sana magkasundo sundo kaming lahat..sana talaga masaya, gusto ko na tuloy mag pasukan..haaaay..=) thats all for now..bye bye..=)
>>>seventeen
Monday, April 18, 2005
Problema nga naman...
Haaay nako..buhay nga namn..d nga ata pede na walang problema..tuloy tuloy na problema pa namn ang dumating sakin ngaun..kakabasa ko lang nung isang araw ng PDL..nakalagay dun na problem is really a part of our life here on earth to make us ready for an eternal life in heaven..it also says that He did not made earth to be heaven that’s why don’t expect that all things on earth will be easy and happy..it is really a part of your life so you should just accept it..hirap na hirap nako pero nung nabasa ko yun, naging normal nalang pero cyempre nandun parin yung sakit..ilang beses ko na kc pinagisipan yung mga bagay na toh eh, lalo na yung tungkol kay mader..i’ve always been telling myself na wala lang toh..i mean, na I can pass through all of this hurts na natatanggap ko mula sa kanya, pero it’s been quite a long time nang nagsimula tong issue na toh pero bkt bumabalik ng bumabalik lahat ng hirap at sakit..naiinis nako, feeling ko nga na di na kami magkakasundo ni mader eh, na masakit tanggapin..sa tingin ko, dapat ko nalang ituloy yung dating plano, the one that I’ve said na I have to give her up already coz of the hurt im getting in our relationship..i have no choice na ata eh, kc sobra na yung sakit na naibigay nya sakin, at sobra na yung natatanggap ko na sakit dulot ng mga actions nya.. cguro nga hindi nya alam na nasasaktan nya ko pero dba it’s a responsibility of a person to know if he/ she is hurting someone na..dba dapat alam nya yun at dapat aware sya sa mga bagay na nangyayari sa kanya at sa mga kaibigan nya lalo na yung mga mahal nya sa buhay at yung mga alam nya na nagmamahal sa kanya..ang hirap kc na tanggapin na ang gumagawa sakin ng lahat ng ito at nagdudulot ng lahat ng sakit sakin ay isang tao na isa sa pinaka importanteng tao sa buhay ko..parang biniro ako ng tadhana..ibibigay sakin c mader pero babawiin lang pala sa ganitong paraan pa na masasaktan ako, ang hirap hirap talaga na ang nagbibigay sakin ng sakit ay c mader. Na sa cmula ay kala ko walang ibibigay sakin na hirap at matutulungan ako sa lahat ng mga problema ko pero ndi pala, cya pa pala ang magbibigay sakin ng pinakamasakit na natanggap ko sa buong buhay ko..hindi ko talaga matanggap..ano pa bang dapat kong gawin para matapos na lahat nang toh, iiyak nalang ba ko ng iiyak, ayoko na ng ganito..gusto ko na sabihin kay mader ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko, lahat ng sakit na nararanasan ko ngaun na dulot nya pero hindi ko magawa kc alam ko na baka umiyak lang cya, na baka hindi rin nya ko maintindihan, na baka marami cyang itanong, natatakot ako na sabihin sa kanya lahat although alam ko for a fact na yun ang dapat kong gawin..mahal na mahal ko c mader eh kaya kahit gaano pa kasakit ang natatanggap at nararanasan ko ngaun dahil sa kanya, hindi ko magawang sabihin kc ayoko na saktan cya..ayoko na maranasan nya kung ano yung nararanasan ko ngaun na hirap..gusto ko lagi cyang masaya, gusto ko lagi cyang kontento sa buhay nya..nagpapakamartir na nga ako sa lagay na toh eh, ewan ko ba..cguro kailangan ko nalang umiwas paunti-unti, yung hindi nlang nya mahahalata para hindi nalang cya masaktan..kahit na alam ko na mas masakit yun para sakin..mahal ko lang talaga cya eh..sana kayanin ko toh..Diyos ko, gabayan nyo po ako sa lahat ng gagawin ko, kung ano man po ang maging decision ko, sana wag nyo po ako iiwanan..tatanggapin ko nalang po lahat ng sakit basat po ipangako nyo lang sakin at siguraduhin nyo nalang po na laging masaya at maayos ang kalagayan ni mader..ipinauubaya ko na po cya sa pangangalaga nyo dahil baka pagkatapos nito, hindi ko na cya mabantayan at magabayan..kahit kamustahin cya, baka hindi ko narin magawa..itatry ko na talaga na maisakatuparan ang decision na ginawa ko noon, na unti-unti cyang iwasan..kayo na pong bahala sa kanya..tulungan nyo po ako, kayo nalang po at ang sarili ko ang makakatulong sakin sa sitwasyon kong ito..wag niyo po kaming pababayaan..
>>>seventeen
>>>seventeen
Monday, April 11, 2005
salamat po sa isang kaibigan...
Alam nyo nitong mga nakaraang araw, masaya ako dahil kay kulambo..cya kc ngaun ung taong nakakaintindi sakin at tinutulungan ako na mawala c globe sa utak ko..na makalimutan ko na lahat ng masakit na cnapit ko kay globe..masaya ako ngaun kc meron akong bagay na napagtutuunan ng pansin..tinatry namin malaman kung pede kaming maging masaya..unti unti kaming nag kakaigihan pero ndi ko parin alam kung san kami hahantong..sa ngaun good friends na kami..may tiwala naman ako sa kanya kc taga LSGH cya at masaya cya kausap..masaya ako kc sa sandaling pagkakakilala namin, nagawa na niyang pagkatiwalaan ako..binigay na niya sakin ung password niya sa friendster..sabi niya pa, kung may password lang daw ang buhay niya, ibibigay niya daw sakin..natouch ako pero natatakot parin akong magmahal uli kc baka masaktan nanaman ako..hindi ko alam pero parang ang laki laki ng tiwala nya sakin..masaya naman ako dahil dun pero parang nahihirapan din ako for some reason..basta ang alam ko, andyan cya lagi for me..meron nakong tao na matatakbuhan as of now na ramdam ko ang pagiging bale wala ko sa mga tao sa paligid ko..cguro dapat ko nalang cya pahalagahan at icherish..cguro cya ung ipinadala ng Diyos para sakin para maibsan lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko sa buhay..mahal ko buhay ko pero kung napakarami nang tao na nananakit sa buhay ko, I might as well hurt myself narin para quits na dba?!? Haaaay, alam ko na talaga ngaun na maraming pagsubok sa buhay na dapat nating malagpasan..kailangan ko nalang magtiis para makamit ung kasunod pang pagsubok o saya..mahal ko rin naman ung mga tao na pinaghihinalaan ko na binabale wala ako ngaun eh, kaso nga lang nasasaktan na talaga ako..alam naman cguro nila na di ko cla kayang igive up as much as possible pero if what they’re doing is over and if I can’t really take it na, masakit man pero I have to give up kahit one of them lang..cguro kung kailangan ko na mag give up, cguro c mader na yun kasi parang di ko na talaga kayang igive up c "ate" kahit anong mangyari..yun, cyempre love ko rin c kulambo ngaun na tinutulungan niya ko na makalimot..mahirap ung role nya sa buhay ko pero kinakaya nya, one thing na nakakapagpatunay sakin na friend ko talaga cya na mapagkakatiwalaan. masaya talaga ako at nameet ko cya..i hope one day, magkita kami tapos kahit magkwentuhan lang at maglibot at kumain sa mall, kc parang magiging parte na talaga cya ng buhay ko eh..kc kakaiba ung feeling ko sa kanya na parang kaya kong sabihin sa kanya lahat..ewan ko ha, pero nagccmula palang naman ung samahan namin na sana magtagal kc ndi rin madaling magkaroon ng kaibigan na handang tumulong sau kahit d pa kayo lubusang magkakilala, kaya itetreasure ko cya..at itatry namin at titignan namin kung san aabot tong friendship namin..yun, I just really have to wait kung ano nang mangyayari sa buhay ko..Diyos ko po, kayo na pong bahala, may tiwala naman po ako sa inyo eh..cge yun lang..
>>>seventeen
>>>seventeen
Saturday, April 02, 2005
frustrating..
Wala lang..kc ngaung mga araw na toh, lagi ko nalang iniisip ung kung pano ako tinatrato ni mader..parang sobrang napapalayo nako sa kanya naparang isa lang ako sa mga simpleng tao sa buhay niya..nakukuha na nga niyang mag sinungaling sakin eh na hindi ko naman alam kung bakit..hirap na hirap nako..yun bang gulong gulo na kc dati, dba nga I tried to convince myself that I really have to let her go coz if not, I’ll be the one who will suffer..I know that mader always says I love you to me, but come to think of it, isn’t she just saying that coz she knows that I love her, kc this days parang ganyan ung naiisip ko eh, na parang napipilitan lang siya na mahalin ako or nagkukunwari lang siya na mahal niya ko para wala nalang gulo..opinion ko lang naman yun, pero alam niyo, parang kahit anong gawin sakin ni mader, mapapatawad at mapapatawad ko parin siya eh..ganun ko siya kamahal na sana ibinabalik niya sakin..i mean, I never saw her appreciating my gifts to her so much, she’s going to say thank you, then that’s it..parang ang tingin ko tuloy sa sarili ko, sobrang tanga kc nagpapakahirap pa ko at nagsasacripisyo para sa kaniya at sa relationship nila ni natie tapos wala lang naman sa kaniya yun, she doesn’t care at all..sino ba kasing manhid samin..cya dahil hindi niya nararamdaman na mahal ko siya at hindi man lang niya iappreciate yung mga binibigay ko sa kanya, na hindi niya nararamdaman na nasasaktan ako tuwing hindi niya ginagawa yung mga cnasabi niya o ako ba yung manhid, dahil ipinagpipilitan ko pa ang sarili ko kahit nakikita ko na mismo na hindi niya ko mahal..alam niyo, sa bawat araw na dumadaan, unti unti kong napapatunayan sa sarili ko na wala lang ako sa kanya, na dapat kalimutan ko nalang siya, na dapat ituloy ko nlang ung dating plano..alam niyo ba dati, yung kala ko galit na cya kc d ko siya pinapansin, I wrote a letter for her and she just told me that all of it was just a coincidence, ewan ko if I have to consider it as a good thing or a bad one..good kc hindi siya nagalit at bati na kami, o bad kc nga hindi man lang siya nagalit, meaning, wala lang pala siyang pakialam kahit na di ko siya pansinin kasi ayaw din naman niya kong pansinin, ganun ba yun? Im really so tired and wasted coz everyday I think about my problems, my problems that are so hard to handle..so hard to fix and so hard to keep into myself although I have to..
Isa palang yung kanina sa mga problema ko, yung isa naman, yung about kay globe..hello people, I love him..i long for his texts, calls, emails and his touch everyday..how I wish that he’s with me right now..i don’t know if I have to think like this but this is what I feel, I can’t control my mind not to think about him..i really miss him so much..nakakainis kasi araw araw, naghahanap ako ng kamay na hahawakan, isang lalaking makakausap at mamahalin, sasabihan ng matatamis na mga salita..sabi ng mga kaibigan ko na kalimutan ko na daw siya pero pano ang gagawin ko kung ganito nga ang nangyayari..na sobrang gusto at mahal ko parin siya ngaun, ang hirap mag move on, gusto ko man humingi ng advice mula kay "ate", hindi ko magawa kc baka bc cya at cnabihan na niya ko dati na wag muna patulan pero anong ginawa ko at tignan mo naman ang nangyari sakin ngaun na ayaw niyang mangyari sakin..pero anong ginawa ko, sinuway ko siya..pero ang iniisip ko lang naman, masama ba magmahal, I mean, other people especially the adults say that kids shouldn’t have love..i mean, is there a limit or instructions or even laws for love..hindi mo naman yan mapipigilan diba kc kusa yan dumadating..may masama ba dun, wala naman diba? Sinunod mo lang ang puso mo, yung lang naman yun eh.. sana may magmahal na ulit sakin, pero sana matuto ko agad cyang mahalin, yun nalang kasi ang nakikita kong paraan para makalimutan ko c globe eh..ganun katindi ang tama ko sa kanya at ganun kasakit ang pagiwan niya sakin, gayun pa man, mahal ko parin cya.
>>>seventeen
Isa palang yung kanina sa mga problema ko, yung isa naman, yung about kay globe..hello people, I love him..i long for his texts, calls, emails and his touch everyday..how I wish that he’s with me right now..i don’t know if I have to think like this but this is what I feel, I can’t control my mind not to think about him..i really miss him so much..nakakainis kasi araw araw, naghahanap ako ng kamay na hahawakan, isang lalaking makakausap at mamahalin, sasabihan ng matatamis na mga salita..sabi ng mga kaibigan ko na kalimutan ko na daw siya pero pano ang gagawin ko kung ganito nga ang nangyayari..na sobrang gusto at mahal ko parin siya ngaun, ang hirap mag move on, gusto ko man humingi ng advice mula kay "ate", hindi ko magawa kc baka bc cya at cnabihan na niya ko dati na wag muna patulan pero anong ginawa ko at tignan mo naman ang nangyari sakin ngaun na ayaw niyang mangyari sakin..pero anong ginawa ko, sinuway ko siya..pero ang iniisip ko lang naman, masama ba magmahal, I mean, other people especially the adults say that kids shouldn’t have love..i mean, is there a limit or instructions or even laws for love..hindi mo naman yan mapipigilan diba kc kusa yan dumadating..may masama ba dun, wala naman diba? Sinunod mo lang ang puso mo, yung lang naman yun eh.. sana may magmahal na ulit sakin, pero sana matuto ko agad cyang mahalin, yun nalang kasi ang nakikita kong paraan para makalimutan ko c globe eh..ganun katindi ang tama ko sa kanya at ganun kasakit ang pagiwan niya sakin, gayun pa man, mahal ko parin cya.
>>>seventeen
