The Girl Dreamer
Monday, May 30, 2005
Both of Them (him1 & him2)
Today was such a pleasant and calm day, when I woke up, I got my cell phone and checked if there's a message. When I opened it, I found a message from globe, I asked myself why he texted me and then I remembered that I texted him last night, so I opened the message and it just says thank you, it was also sent last night, but I wasn't able to read it because I slept early. Then after that, I ate my breakfast, and then I checked my cell phone again and found one message, it was also from him but sent just this morning but almost same message as the one sent last night. So I was curious and just replied to him saying, "your welcome, see you in school" then he replied and asked me my section, then I have no choice already but to reply, so I replied and told him my section. Our texting went on and on. I asked his condition and how's his love life, and he told me that it was fine but nothing serious, then he asked me about my love life. I just told him that there are some guys who are flirting around, he asked if those guys were from school, and so I told him that they're not. He also told me that he went to the party of wood rose people but he was board in that party. I then asked him about the girl that he recently told me that he's courting, he just told me that the girl is now migrating and he has no choice but to let her go, but he also told me that they will meet when he goes to Canada. Then I asked him if he loves the girl and he said yes, he also shared to me some of his secrets about the girl. I told him that I’m jealous already and I'm not joking about what I said and he didn't replied already.
People, you know who he is naman diba? I just wanna tell you guys that I still love him, yah there's jealousy parin and some kind of frustration pero nawala na yung attitude ko na umiiyak at sobrang nasasaktan dahil may iba na siya. Nagagawa ko na ngayon tong mga toh dahil kay mark alias "kulambo". Masaya ako para sa kanya at siyempre para sa sarili ko kasi I'm successful of atleast, somehow, getting over him. But still, I really admit that I still love him and it is still intimate until now, you can't blame me naman kasi first love ko siya. Yun, kaya ngayon, gusto ko na makipag meet kay mark kasi ang laki laki ng utang na loob ko sa kanya sa pag papalimot sakin ng mga nangyari at pagpapahilom niya ng sugat na ginawa ni globe sa puso ko. I'm really, really thankful that I met him, that I met both of them. Si mark, talagang kahit minsan minsan lang kami mag-usap, ang laki talaga ng naging parte niya sa buhay ko dahil hindi lahat ng tao, nakakapag palimot ng isang bagay na masakit ng basta basta nalang, eh si mark, ilang oras lang niya nagawa yun eh kaya bilib na bilib ako sa kanya.
Tungkol naman kayna "ate", as usual, wala parin akong natatanggap na balita about them. Hindi parin sila nagpaparamdam. Ewan ko ba, pero sinabi ko nalang sa sarili ko na I won't expect much from them nalang para hindi nako masaktan, pero hindi parin eh, nasasaktan parin ako at kinakabahan tuwing hindi sila nagrereply. Natatakot na nga ako eh kasi kakaiba yung feeling. Ewan ko ba. Basta mag titiis nalang ako, sanay na naman ako eh. Sana lang sabihin sakin ni ate ang lagay niya ngayon para hindi ako kinakabahan at hindi ako nag iisip masyado. Basta sa pasukan, I will really try my best na maging maayos pagharap ko sa kanila kahit na deep inside, medyo malaki na yung tampo ko sa kanila. Ayoko naman kasi lumaki pa yung isyu na yun eh kaya itatago ko nalnag sa sarili ko. Tsaka eventually naman mawawala din agad yun once I'm able to be comfortable talking to them.
Haaay, basta God, I lift up all the things that are happening to me now, I hope that you can accompany me towards success for all of these things. I trust you God, I know that you'll not let me down. Alagaan niyo po si "ate" at si kuya nes pati narin c baby. Wag na wag niyo pa silang papabayaan pati narin po ang buong pamilya ko at iba pa na mahal ko sa buhay. God thanks for all, and I hope that you'll continue showering us many blessings. We love you God. So yun lang naman for now.
>>>seventeen
People, you know who he is naman diba? I just wanna tell you guys that I still love him, yah there's jealousy parin and some kind of frustration pero nawala na yung attitude ko na umiiyak at sobrang nasasaktan dahil may iba na siya. Nagagawa ko na ngayon tong mga toh dahil kay mark alias "kulambo". Masaya ako para sa kanya at siyempre para sa sarili ko kasi I'm successful of atleast, somehow, getting over him. But still, I really admit that I still love him and it is still intimate until now, you can't blame me naman kasi first love ko siya. Yun, kaya ngayon, gusto ko na makipag meet kay mark kasi ang laki laki ng utang na loob ko sa kanya sa pag papalimot sakin ng mga nangyari at pagpapahilom niya ng sugat na ginawa ni globe sa puso ko. I'm really, really thankful that I met him, that I met both of them. Si mark, talagang kahit minsan minsan lang kami mag-usap, ang laki talaga ng naging parte niya sa buhay ko dahil hindi lahat ng tao, nakakapag palimot ng isang bagay na masakit ng basta basta nalang, eh si mark, ilang oras lang niya nagawa yun eh kaya bilib na bilib ako sa kanya.
Tungkol naman kayna "ate", as usual, wala parin akong natatanggap na balita about them. Hindi parin sila nagpaparamdam. Ewan ko ba, pero sinabi ko nalang sa sarili ko na I won't expect much from them nalang para hindi nako masaktan, pero hindi parin eh, nasasaktan parin ako at kinakabahan tuwing hindi sila nagrereply. Natatakot na nga ako eh kasi kakaiba yung feeling. Ewan ko ba. Basta mag titiis nalang ako, sanay na naman ako eh. Sana lang sabihin sakin ni ate ang lagay niya ngayon para hindi ako kinakabahan at hindi ako nag iisip masyado. Basta sa pasukan, I will really try my best na maging maayos pagharap ko sa kanila kahit na deep inside, medyo malaki na yung tampo ko sa kanila. Ayoko naman kasi lumaki pa yung isyu na yun eh kaya itatago ko nalnag sa sarili ko. Tsaka eventually naman mawawala din agad yun once I'm able to be comfortable talking to them.
Haaay, basta God, I lift up all the things that are happening to me now, I hope that you can accompany me towards success for all of these things. I trust you God, I know that you'll not let me down. Alagaan niyo po si "ate" at si kuya nes pati narin c baby. Wag na wag niyo pa silang papabayaan pati narin po ang buong pamilya ko at iba pa na mahal ko sa buhay. God thanks for all, and I hope that you'll continue showering us many blessings. We love you God. So yun lang naman for now.
>>>seventeen
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Happy Birthday "ate"...
Birthday ngaun ni "ate" pero hindi ako masaya..bday ngaun ni ate pero hindi ko maramdaman na tlagang bday nga niya..bday ngaun ni ate pero di ko magawa yung plano ko na tawagan cya..kc hindi ko rin naman maramdaman ngaun ang importance ko sa kanya..hindi ako makatawag kc feeling ko hindi naman cya matutuwa at baka hindi naman niya ko entertainen..ang hirap naman ng ganito, yung gusto mo magpasaya ng tao pero kahit anong gawin mo, hindi naman cya sumasaya..bale wala lang lahat ng mga pinag gagagawa mo.. para kang tanga na nagpapakahirap eh wala namang nangyayari..oo nga bday ni ate pero asan yung saya at excitement na dati kong nararamdaman kapag May 17th na..asan na lahat nung kaba bago cya itext, asan lahat ng tanong sa isip ko kung anong isasagot nya sa mga text ko..wala na lahat..tila naging manhid narin ako dahil sa pagiging manhid nya..napagod na cguro yung puso ko na masaktan kaya binabale wala nalang..ang hirap naman ng ganito..yung dating araw na pinaka aasam asam mo na dumating, dumating na nga pero di mo naman nagawa at di naman nangyari lahat ng gusto mo.. lahat lang ay napunta sa wala..para tuloy akong tanga ngaun, pinipilit na maging masaya ang sarili pero sa totoo, hindi ko naman kaya..pinipilit ko ang sarili na maging masaya kc yun na ang nakagisnan ko, na tuwing May 17th ay masaya ako, para kay ate..pero ngaun wala lahat ng yun at pinipilit kong ibalik at gawin lahat pero ayaw tlaga..kc nga may mali, kc nga wala yung love nya for me, wala yung connection na yun ngaun kaya hindi ko maramdaman lahat ng dapat kong maramdaman ngaung araw na toh..kulang talaga, sa tingin ko kulang ang atensiyon na nakukuha ko mula kay ate pero hindi ko cya masisisi kc nga naman hindi na nya ko kailangan ngaun, kc andyan na c kuya nes at c baby.. tapos na nga pala yung mga panahon na ako ang nagpapasaya kay ate kc meron nakong kapalit..haaay, dumating na yung kinakatakutan ko, ang araw na magselos ako sa kanila, ayokong magselos pero eto na, naramdaman ko na..yung pagkatagal tagal kong pinigil ay lumabas na at di na napigilan pa, cguro ganun lang talaga ako, selosa at wala nang makakapigil pa dun..cguro nga isa lang akong simpleng tao sa buhay ni ate at pinagsisiksikan ko lang ang sarili ko sa pamilya niya..oo, inaamin ko naman eh, kinokonsider ko ang sarili ko na parte ng buhay at pamilya nina ate, pero kc cya narin mismo ang pumayag na tawagin ko cyang ate at cya na mismo ang nagsabi sakin na tawagin ko ang asawa niya na kuya nes, so anong gusto mong gawin ko, ibale wala lang lahat ng yun, cyempre hindi, nakaramdam ako na parte nako ng pamilya nila pero hindi ko pa naman yun kumpirmado.. pero mahal ko cla at kumpirmado ko na sa sarili ko na parte cla ng buhay ko, parte cla ng pamilya ko at yun ang totoo..hindi ako magiging buo kung di ko cla nakilala at kailangan ko cla sa buhay ko, sana nga lang, tama yung ramdam ko na parte nga ako ng buhay at pamilya nila..ATE, HAPPY HAPPY BDAY..i love you so much..
God, I just pray that you'll continue blessing and guiding my dear sister, I hope that you'll always make her happy and contented with what she has, always make her safe and secured, don't ever leave her side. Let her follow and have her dreams, as much as possible, don't give her problems. Always take care of her especially now that she's pregnant. Also, bless her today coz it's her birthday. Bless her everyday and make her live a long life. Let her live in love and in happiness. Also, take care of her husband abroad. Make her and her family safe and away from harm. Thank you God for letting me meet a very wonderful person, who is my dearest sister.
>>>seventeen
God, I just pray that you'll continue blessing and guiding my dear sister, I hope that you'll always make her happy and contented with what she has, always make her safe and secured, don't ever leave her side. Let her follow and have her dreams, as much as possible, don't give her problems. Always take care of her especially now that she's pregnant. Also, bless her today coz it's her birthday. Bless her everyday and make her live a long life. Let her live in love and in happiness. Also, take care of her husband abroad. Make her and her family safe and away from harm. Thank you God for letting me meet a very wonderful person, who is my dearest sister.
>>>seventeen
