The Girl Dreamer

this is it

pagod na pagod nako

hindi ko alam kung kailan matatapos lahat toh

bat kailangan magsabay sabay

kung kailan naman gusto ko na magpahinga

kung kailan buwan ng birthday ko

kung kailan gusto ko magsaya

pero hindi eh

i am bombarded with so much school works

with so much sadness

with so much pain

with so much jealousy

kasi yung iba summer na

ako nandito pa

pagod na pagod na pagod

hirap na hirap

at ngarag na ngarag

i want some peace

some rest

some happiness

some relaxation

some sense of fulfillment and success

PRAYER:

Lord please tulungan niyo ko..gusto ko na mag give up..pagod na pagod nako..

>>>seventeen

okay ang labo..bat tumawag si mommy rogz? kaya lang hindi ko nasagot..grrrr! tinext ko kung bakit eh hindi naman nagreply..kalabuan! ahaha..

PRAYER:
love you papa GOD!

>>>seventeen

i did not thought that it would be this painful..after the 165 days of everyday communication, i cut it..because i felt that it was already a spoonfed type of thing..and so i stopped..exepecting that some realizations and changes will be made..i realized a lot and i somehow changed..nasanay ako na wala siya at mga messages niya..oo, weird na kung weird..pero alam ko nahirapan akong itigil yung text ko kay mader everyday..kasi i knew that she interpretted everything in a wrong way..basta she told me something nung bday nya that made me realize that i have to stop..and so i did..nasanay ako na hindi ako nagtetext..pero alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako sanay na hindi niya ko tinetext..

GETS?!

ibig sabihin, i just moved on a bit..super a bit lang..i realized a lot for sure..na mahal ko talaga siya..na importante siya..na malaking part siya ng life ko..

and just awhile ago, i realized na mas mahal ko siya kaysa kayna ate nanz, mommy, ms jim..pero narealize ko rin ang pinaka malaking katotohan - na hindi niya ko mahal, na ginagawa lang niya lahat for me para sakyan ang kagagahan ko over her, na hindi siya consistent, na mali lahat ng iniisip kong kabaliwan..

narealize ko na masakit magmahal ng one way lang..*parang kanina, mahirap tumawid ng one way kasi muntik nako mabangga* pero seriously ang hirap hirap..ang sakit sakit..akala ko lang magagawa niyang magtext once in awyl kahit na d ako nagtetext eh yun pala, magtetext lang cya pag magtetext ako..WALANG KUSA..HINDI WORTH IT..pero totoo, MAHAL KO SIYA!

d ko lang matanggap na wala lang ako sa knya..ayoko na kasi talaga..bat ba di sila maalis sa sistema ko..lalo na SIYA!

nakakairita..dba birthday ko? eh parang hindi..

busy, malas, ordinary..yun lang ang araw ko..walang bago..walang exceptional..

well anyway..nagrelease lang..ayoko na AYOKO NA!

PRAYER:
sorry po Lord kung hindi ko nagawang maging uber hapi today..muntik pa ko madeadz..sori talaga..pero thank you.

>>>seventeen

this is just for the sake of blogging..


okay okay okay


ano pa hinahanap niyo..


YUN NA YUN..


bye..


>>>seventeen

what the hell..ang pangit talaga ng pakiramdam ko these past few days..help me get through all these..ayoko na..grrrr.

PRAYER:
Lord, please help me..or just get me..

>>>seventeen