The Girl Dreamer

dear zpvw,

for the past months, i kept on thinking about you..not in a way that i enjoy it but in a way that it seems everything's falling apart between us..well maybe you dont notice it, or you simply do not have any care about it at all, but i do know the feeling that i am already being left behind..

i do know how busy you are with your work, but please dont give THAT as a reason why you werent able to go to the several dates we have already planned..and please please please, next time around keep the evidences..I CLEARLY SAW YOUR MESSAGE TO SIENNE AND ANGEL THAT YOU GUYS ARE GOING SOMEWHERE AND EVEN PLANNING FOR AN OVERNIGHT SAME DAY AS OUR SCHEDULED DAY AND EVEN MORE DAYS AFTER THAT..YOU GUYS TALKED ABOUT IT ON FB WALLS..HOW DO YOU THINK WILL I FEEL KNOWING THAT YOU FAILED US FOR OUR DATE AND NOW YOU'RE PLANNING AN OVERNIGHT WITH THEM? ISNT THAT SO TERRIBLE?

okay, let me clear things out..i do not have anything against angel and sienne..i even had an agreement with angel thru fb that until she's there at zobel, she'll take care of you..she assured me that and i am so grateful for her because of that..the thing is, please dont neglect us just because you already have them..i dont mind if we all go out together, whats important is you treat us and them fairly..

it isnt good to see that natie and i are now being neglected by you just coz you met them already..i know its kinda awkward but please dont forget all the things we've been through: times when we had to pick you up from deep depression, times when you needed us and we were there, all our good and bad times together, times when we all had an argument but we're able to pull it through, how natie and i became your babies knowing the fact that you and wekie need some people like us..

i just cant help but feel sad looking at our situation right now..you dont text us as often as before..you dont reply to my text messages and fb chats most of the time..feels like you dont need us in your life anymore..JUST TELL US IF YOU WANT US OUT OF YOUR LIFE ALREADY, SO THAT I CAN FIX THINGS AS EARLY AS NOW..you know it wont be easy for me, but you can make it a bit easier if you'd really be the one who will command me to go..do not let my feeling/instinct decide about this issue..

ITS ALL UP TO YOU NOW..I'VE LAID DOWN MY CARDS..NOW ITS YOUR MOVE THAT WILL MAKE THE DECISION..just remember that no matter what happens, i will still continue to love you forever - as my mother!

love,
YOUR SWEET TIN

PRAYER:
Lord God, help me find the answers..let me be able to do the right things..or better yet get me as soon as possible..i promise i wont hold back, i will let go! thank you!

>>>seventeen

SOMETIMES MASAYA NA MAY PANG BAWI..SALAMAT TO MOMMY ROGZ! ewan ko sayo mader..lagi mo nalang akong sinasaktan..hay sabi na nga eh, TUMIGIL KA NA KASI TIN! kulet mo kasi, yan tuloy napapala mo! amf

PRAYER:
alam niyo na po yun..promise, i wont hold back, i will let go! :)

>>>seventeen

it may seem sad..i have already given up..BSA no more..i did my best, but i guess di talaga ako para dun..okay lang..atleast now i know i'd be able to pull my grades back up..hopefully..i know i can..para sa grad, bongga pa rin..i know kaya ko na toh..malapit na, malapit ko nang matapos toh at malapit ko na makuha ang mga gusto ko..in the first place, BMG/MGT was my first choice..siguro ito talaga ang para sa akin..siguro dito talaga ako magtatagumpay..walang makakapagsabi na di ako magiging successful sa course na toh, alam kong kaya kong mag excel, at alam kong wala sa course at wala sa school yan..NASA TAO ANG TUNAY NA NAKAKAPAG DIKTA NG SARILI NIYANG TAGUMPAY..at alam kong kaya kong maabot ang mga pangarap ko sa kursong toh..

what's important is that i tried..kung tutuusin, alam kong i know better kaya dapat ipakita ko at hindi ko sayangin ang mga natutunan ko from being a BSA student..i am proud that once in my life, i became superior and i am really happy na kahit papaano naman, pasok ako sa standards nila..YUNG WALANG HIYANG QUALI LANG TALAGA ANG PANIRA..

i love my life..at alam kong mas kakayanin ko na toh ngayon..wala na akong rason para mag reklamo..mas mahirap yung dati..napagdaanan ko na ang hirap ng pagiging BSA..may uurungan pa ba ko??? wala na..magtutuloy tuloy na toh patungo sa tagumpay..sa graduation ko, i will make my parents proud..i promise to do my best to be able to graduate with honors..hindi ko sila bibiguin..SOON ENOUGH, THEY WILL BE PROUD OF ME! :)

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another sad part is sa taft pala nag aaral si marianne..okay lang..nasaktan lang ako siguro kasi nagulat lang talaga ako..pero ok naman eh..i am truly happy for them..kailangan ko lang talaga na makita ko na siya kung sino man siya..

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si mader naman, all good..siya na ang papansin ngayon..hinahayaan ko nalang muna..soon enough may marerealize din yun..mahal ko siya at sana hindi nya nakakalimutan yun..nasasaktan ako tuwing iniiwasan ko siya pero alam kong its all for the better..magiging ok ang lahat..mas magiging ayos ang lahat..

PRAYER:
i know things will be better soon..i promise pa rin, i wont hold back i will let go..thank you po for everything and sorry na rin..alam kong nandyan lang kayo lagi for us..LOVE YOU PAPA GOD!


>>>seventeen